Something occurred to me a few days ago and I have been thinking about it ever since. Yesterday, my mom put my thought into words. I don’t know how to be a “regular” adult.  My entire adult life has revolved around taking care of Cystic Fibrosis. I was only 20 when Melanie was born, so some could say I wasn’t yet an adult, although I was married and had two children.  Before Melanie was born we did adult things like going to dinner with other adult friends. We would go out to see a movie or invite people over.  After Melanie was diagnosed, that changed a little but not a lot.  After Rosie was diagnosed, it changed even more.  The focal point of my life revolved around Cystic Fibrosis.  The daily medicine, the treatments, the many doctor visits, the frequent hospital stays and the countless hours on the phone making sure both girls were getting what they needed and the medical provider had filed the claim correctly. More often than not we would be billed for a service that was not correctly filed with the insurance company. Rosie has been gone for over a month and I have 3 bills that came in yesterdays mail that were not filed correctly, but I digress.

Over time, I wasn’t doing friend things at all.  My life was totally encompassed with taking care of the girls and Adam but mostly the girls. I’ll write about that another day. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are people in my life who I consider friends. It’s just that my available time was always dictated by the girls medical needs.  I would scroll thru my Facebook feed and see a group of girl friends going out together or going away for a girls weekend and I would be a little jealous.  I would tell myself that I didn’t need that kind of friendship but deep down I knew I was lying to myself.  I really did need that time to just be an adult woman with other adult women.

So now here I am with all the time in the world and I don’t know how to be a “regular” adult. I want to be clear. This is not a plea to my friends or acquaintances. I hope I won’t have my inbox flooded with invites! I don’t need to go from nothing to too much.  A Facebook friend posted this verse today and I think it was one of those God timing things.  “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.” Psalm 32:8 So, I guess that is the best way to end this entry.  I will pray for guidance and trust that God will lead me to the best pathway for my life. I hope He will show it to me soon, but then again God’s timing isn’t always my time. Really, it never is.


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