I’m sitting at my kitchen table with two of my four dogs at my feet.  It’s a cold but sunny day here in Avon, IN. I don’t like gray days. Somehow seeing the sun makes the day easier to face.  I’m thinking about how I can compare that to seeing The Son, God’s son, and how if I could just remember to see only Him all my days would be easier.  But this thing called change keeps jumping in my view like a toddler wanting a parents attention.  “Mom, Mom, Mom, Mommy, Mother” or in my case “change, change, change, change”.  I just want to scream “STOP!” So much has changed in the last year.  Melanie lost her battle with Cystic Fibrosis, Rosie won her battle against the same disease, Adam moved out and my husband has been laid off since the first of the year.

We had a very busy start to 2015.  We started the year on vacation in New Mexico, traveled to Atlanta the middle of January and went to St Louis the first part of February. As much as I enjoyed traveling, I was very much looking forward to coming home and getting into a normal routine.

Evidently that was not to be. I came home to a potential BIG change. My husband had been talking to the Electrical Union in New Mexico about transferring ASAP.  New Mexico has work for him and the Indiana Union was ok with him transferring if New Mexico approved. Now this was something that we had talked about before but the timing was further down the road.  The plan was to transfer in a year or two after we had time to get things in order.  To me, moving is huge endeavor. One that takes a lot of planning and prep work.  None of that has been done and for me that just doesn’t make sense. I like to have a plan and be prepared.  I’m an organized person and I can change my plan to best fit the circumstances but having no plan freaks me out! What about the house, moving expenses, deposits and down payments? What would we do about Rosie’s trips to St Louis every 3 months? She can’t fly yet and there is a big difference between driving 4 hours and driving 16 hours. We have to find all new doctors when we move and I have not done any research on that yet. Will Rosie be able to find a new theater group? Will they be as good as what we have here? And can we afford it? What about my goals of becoming a professional Stage Manager? I have opportunities to get me there in Indiana.  Will I have the same opportunities in New Mexico? Moving to New Mexico means not seeing my son very often.  He is staying here.  I thought I had time to process and adjust to that. I’m still adjusting to the fact that when he says he’s going home, it’s not my home.  I feel like the character from Dr. Seuss’ Green Eggs and Ham, “I do not like it Sam I am!”

Time is a funny thing.  It seems to go by quickly the older I get. I wish I could go back in time and do things differently with and for Melanie. I want more time with Adam. I want to make the most of the time we have with a healthy Rosie. I want time to process all the changes that have happened over the last 14 months before any more changes happen.  I want Rosie to have more time with her theater group gaining more experience from her amazing teachers. I want time to add experience Stage Managing at more theaters so that when we do move I have a range of experience on my resume that will hopefully allow me to continue Stage Managing.

The way things sit right now, RD is transferring to New Mexico in July. It looks like he will go there before Rosie and I do.  If I had things my way, we would all stay here until the summer of 2016.  I don’t know if that will be possible.  RD says that it is less likely that the Union will transfer him after his 3rd year as an apprentice.  His dream is to be in New Mexico now. It’s my dream to stay here for a while longer. There’s the subject of time again. I know all the saying about God’s timing. I didn’t like his timing with Melanie and from where I stand I’m not sure I am liking His timing now.

So I wait.  Wait to see what God will do. Wait to see what His plans really are. Wait to see what his timing will be. So I’m thankful it is a sunny day today. From now on a sunny day will be a good reminder to look to The Son. I know His light will block out all the distractions and bring me peace in a world where changes happen much too fast.

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